Gate C22

I love Ellen Bass' poem Gate C22, the celebration of "mature" love. There is such a conceit that love, especially sexual love, belongs to just young people. During the student readings in my Creative Writing class many of the younger students write rapturously about their sexual experiences. And I get it, it is terribly important to them, as it is to me. Although, another non-traditional student and I laugh that the younger students would probably gag if we wrote about our latest sexual experiences. But if I could frame my words to tell my story the way Bass does, I sure would do it. When she writes of "lavish kisses" with the whole world watching, you hold your breath along with the all the other watchers in the airport, feeling envious of the lovers. It's really nice to see a depiction of mature love that isn't a commercial for Cialys or Viagra.

What's Your Nude?

A new Facebook site asks “What’s your nude?” The site is an attempt to mobilize lingerie manufactures to produce bras in more shades of brown than are available now. Bras sold today in “nude” shades are in a range of light colors, think blush, beige and tan. So women of color find it nearly impossible to find bras to match darker skin tones. The concept that “nude” is a beige color is so deeply ingrained in most of us that many women have never realized the stereotype presented in “nude” choices in clothing, hosiery, make-up and even band-aids. It is amazing how insidious words can be, and how without thinking we can contribute to an on-going stereotype. One of the women on FB wondered if perhaps the colors could be referred to as “natural” rather than nude, which is probably a good starting place. 

V-Day on the View

On Valentine’s Day/V-Day, the Hot Topic on the View was Chris Brown’s triumphant return to the Grammy’s on Sunday. Social media sites were divided on whether Brown had learned his lesson after his felony conviction for beating Rhianna in 2009 or if there should even be a connection between his music and personal life. The women on the View believed that he should have a second chance to prove himself particularly since he has taken anger management classes. But what everyone found incredibly disturbing were some of the emails and tweets from young women, not for giving Brown a second chance, but for their attitude about violence towards women.  One woman tweeted “Chris Brown can do anything he wants to me. I’d do anything to have him” another said “ Chris Brown can punch me in the face as much as he wants to as long as he kisses it.” It was shocking that young women would even joke about the possibility of domestic abuse or being hit by a man. Elizabeth Hasselbeck said it best when she said the problem was not with Brown’s music or his acceptance at the Grammy’s. The problem was these young women would accept physical violence to be with a man. It was about self-esteem and self-worth.  It was ironic that this was all taking place on V-Day. At my granddaughter's high school five young women have been beaten or raped in high profile cases in the last 4 years, you can only wonder what goes on that you don’t hear about. V-Day has a young girls site, I’m going to send it to my granddaughter.

Can't Pick Your Family

While doing my interview, my subject Deb said that she had a bias against “stupid people.” She was quick to point out she didn’t mean handicapped people or uneducated people, she meant narrow minded, bigoted, intolerant people. I didn't think much about it, but I did decide to leave it out of my paper. Later that week, I got into a discussion on Facebook with several friends and family members about the big contraception issue brewing with the Catholic Church hierarchy and the Obama administration. It was incredible how quickly sides were chosen, with finger pointing and misinformation flying all over FB. I found myself furious at my brother and my female cousin, neither of whom are practicing Catholics. How could they believe what they were saying, especially my cousin insisting she “supports women’s rights” yet agreeing with the Church’s stance on birth control and health insurance. I couldn’t believe how stupid they all were, couldn’t they listen to reason? I was disappointed in them; I thought they were smarter than that. Then I realized that I was being narrow-minded, too. I tried my best to change their minds with facts and figures. I talked about a women’s right to privacy, the slippery slope when an employer decides to claim a special exemption from a law; what's next, what if it was dialysis or blood transfusions. We all dug in deeper and harder, none of us changed our minds. I thought I would quit FB but instead I decided to keep my views to myself. I keep thinking maybe I could have been more open to their opinions but I just can’t accept the Church’s argument and can't help but be disappointed with a few members of my family. Yes, I feel just as strongly in my point of view as they do in theirs. I wonder if they think I'm stupid and narrow minded, too.